Life...wasted?

so, i did not make it into UCLA or Berkeley. my whole life has been centered around education. i always went for the best opportunities. i tried my best, and it wasn't good enough. this is what i hate about optimism. it just gets your hopes up to set them up to be shot down. i hate it. if im not good enough for the top UC's then what have i been doing this whole time? IB, waste of life. i know alotta people that got into UCLA w/o it. just proves to me that im not cut out for this scene. i should've just goofed off in high school. relaxed. i would have a better life if i just learned to relax. looking back, i took high school way too seriously. it just feels like everything that i've lived up for has been a waste. being smart is the one thing that im really good at. people pursue other things like sports or music, but i stuck with my brain. it just seems like i could've done something better with my life. i could've invested my time into something better. im not smart. trust me, im just a hard worker. i spend forever trying to study for a test. im not a genius who doesn't study and still aces the test. that's freakin retarded. college for those guys is gonna be a piece of cake. for me, i dont think im going to survive. i suck at tests. and i dont have much classwork/homework to back me up when i fail mid-terms/finals. i've made so many sacrifices for school. whenever i was sick, i'd never call in. i'd go to school because i would fall behind. my dad still has to convince me not to go to school. im sucha schoolboy. its retarded. but yea, dont get me wrong...i thank God that i got into all the other colleges i applied to. i just havta learn how to trust Him. I know he has a plan for me. who knows...maybe ill find a girl down in san diego. haha, doubt it. besides, i hear the girls down there are...lets just say the girls lack cute aspects. UCLA's a different story =) haha, buuut waatever. im pretty content with going to UCSD. just sucks that all my friends are going to fullerton. ahhh, i hate college already. on top of that, im still dealing with inner conflicts. why can't it be easy. its stupid. its complicated. but thats life.

Weekend...

it was pretty fun. i liked it. went to the outlets with wes, gail and my sister. walked forever. got a new shirt. i like it. got to deep talk w/ sabrina. pretty rad. lotta food for church today. got into UCSD. pretty excited. watched some crazy time movies: the butterfly effect, the lakehouse. realllly good movies. going to breakfast with the sabios. ditchin school. march is almost over. april is going to be crazy: spring break, japan, prom, spring camp. Im basically booked every weekend of april.

but hey, i made a villenelle(poem) for hw. i like it...just go with it, i promise its good.

Oh Love, why...

Oh Love, why do you continue to tease?

Those sensual curves I cannot resist.

Is there a way to stop this torture, please?

This endless hunger can't be put to ease.

Your luscious flavor delivering bliss.

Oh Love, why do you continue to tease?

I'm captivated. My heart you have seized.

How I used to dream about love's first kiss.

Is there a way to stop this torture, please?

We said that this was a one-time thing, jeez!

But I can't leave you in a state like this

Oh Love, why do you continue to tease?

Thinking of you, I get weak at the knees.

I have fallen for you; that is the gist.

Is there a way to stop this torture, please?

When I catch your sweet scent, I start to wheeze.

Donut, your taste I will honestly miss.

Oh Love, why do you continue to tease?

Is there a way to stop this torture, please?

...yep, i said it. i can't take it back now...it's out there =)

back again

Who blogs anymore? seriously...loosers. haha, so yea i guess im back to this. could never really get rid of xanga. i guess a whole recap of my life from the last time i wrote in here isn't really necessary. but ill do it anyway.

hmm...2004, not much to say since then. ever since i turned 17, things have been happening waay too fast for me. too much to handle all at one, but God help me through that. but since 2004, i grew up, got my license, got my first job at knott's, quit because i moved to Hemet the middle of my senior year. yea, great timing Dad. buuuut, life here is amazing. I mean there isn't really anything major out here, like a beach or Disneyland. but i looove my friends out here. They make it amazing.

hmm, update on girls...yeeeaaa not much to report there. Its kinda been sloow for about...my whole life. its not like im looking for the one yet, just one...if that makes any sense.

buut yea, ever since i moved out here, my life has been better. I adjusted pretty quickly(thanks wes). There's always something happining over here. summer's gonna be bomb. i can feel it.

problems...uhh, just college. everyone here is moving where i just left. so i moved here and theyre moving there. talk about lame. but ill work something out hopefully. i gotta wait until the end of the month to deal with that. other than that, there's this one thing thats going on that im trying to figure out myself. i dont even know where to start, but ill just trust in Him to help me out.

personally, ive gained a sense of self confidence. i dont kno, ive kinda toned down my whole ego trip from freshman/sophomore year. it just kept on sinking after that. but now, im starting to like myself again. which is a good thing i think.

(more update on my life later)  

-mike